Posts Tagged ‘humor’

New Barbies

September 9, 2011

New Barbies for the coming year

Irish Catholic Barbie: a cute red-haired lass, but by the time you get her home and open the box she’s pregnant and weighs 250 pounds. Accessories: a sack of potates, a case of Paddy’s Irish Whiskey, and 4 brothers who come to visit but never leave.

Palestinian Barbie: like most other Barbies but you can’t take her anyplace crowded or she blows up. Accessories: a humus recipe, a lamb, and a suspicious package.

G.O.P. Barbie: a subservient none-to-bright soccer mom who can see Russia from her front porch. Accessories: 2.3 children, a full set of non-stick cookware, a Lexus SUV, a 2 carat diamond ring, and a BA from Bob Roberts College.

Bangkok Barbie: actually a boy dressed as a woman. Accessories: a .32 derringer, 6 feet of silk rope, 2 wigs, and a makeup kit.

Cougar Barbie: has no accessories until she marries Over-worked Ken, she divorces him and get all his accessories. Additional accessories: silicon breast implants, a Corvette, and a Cabana Boy Ken.

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Graduation time

June 5, 2011

It’s time for graduation. The school I went to was rough, when you graduated you got two graduation pictures, front view and profile. It was rough I tell you. When it was time to call your name the principal said, “Would the accused step forward.” The guidance counselors didn’t ask what you wanted to do they asked, “How do you wanna plead?” They had the graduationg class step forward eight at a time… and then turn to the right. They didn’t have an Honor’s Program… they had an early release. I graduated with a 4 point 0 but my lawyer me off with 3 point 5. The diploma wasn’t made out of sheepskin… they said it was canary. The graduation speaker started off with “Graduates and ladies and gentlemen of the jury…” It was tough. The cap and robes were bullet proof. The school mascot was a Lo-jack. If you didn’t graduate the Marine Corps had to take you back.
(I made these up with the great Rodney Dangerfield in mind… we love and miss you)

A card for anyone born on 07 December…

December 7, 2009

Happy? You just wait Yankee dog...