Archive for the ‘NASCAR Barbie’ Category

More stupid stuff

February 26, 2008

I got a ticket the other day. I went to court and got it reduced. I pled guilty to ‘aggravated failure to yield.’

 

I wanted to do an Ice-capades version of the play that was featured in “The Producers.” Remember the play they did was titled “Springtime For Hitler.” It was a great concept but I couldn’t find 6,000,000 Jews that could ice skate.

 

NASCAR has a new sponsored car from AARP. Terrific, huh? Everybody gets to watch a car drive 400 miles with its left turn signal on.

 

… the boxer eyed his target: the canvas.

 

Brittany Spears–back in papers… I saw one tabloid, the headline read “I Don’t Want My Children Back!” What makes her think they would give her children back? Jesus, they’d stand a better chance if they were released into the wild and raised by wolves. Maybe Yellowstone NP has a suitable place for them…

 

Why does AMC (American Movie Channel) suggest other movie to watch… i.e. If you’re enjoying “When Harry Met Sally” you’ll love “Taxi Driver.”

 

… she had 400 pubic inches of sexual displacement.

 

Was Superman faster than a speeding bullet in bed?

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This year’s Barbies

February 13, 2007

White trash Barbie comes with a carton of Marlboro 100’s, bucket of KFC, her own WalMart, 1976 Nisson 4×4, one case of Bud light, bull’s eye diaphram, and four ADHD redheaded children. 

Elvis Bride Barbie, 12 years old but lives in Ken’s house until she is legal in Tennessee (14 years old)

 

Souxie and the Barbies-punk rock band

Trailer Park-NASCAR-Welfare Mother Barbie comes with five kids by seven different fathers, a lovely fifth-wheel home, probation officer, 1970 primer gray Plymouth Roadrunner. And now available with a restraining order for Trailer Park Ken, and a basket to leave an underage Skipper’s baby on Ken’s doorstep.  

Anorexic Barbie–comes with one mirror that makes everyone look fat

Army Brat Barbie, she sleeps with any Ken she meets but will marry only the “bad” Kens.  

Transvestite Barbie is really a man but has started the hormones so he/she has breasts at least.

Butch Barbie comes with size 40 x 23 Levis and a wallet on attached chain.Katrina Victim Barbie with her own Superdome. Gets raped but Ken swears it wasn’t him

Third World Barbie–has no accessories  

Jerry Springer Barbie. Everything she says is a lie and she’s not even a woman.

Muslim Barbie – An empty box, inside is the Quran’s quotation about graven images

Electra Syndrome Barbie. Just pull her string and she whines “I need a good a spanking.” or “I bounced another check, Daddy.” or “I just can’t help it.”  

Spinster Barbie comes with 24 cats, extensive garden, and numerous straw hats.

Obsessive Compulsive Barbie has a $250 credit limit Visa card, a silver vibrator, and a scale year’s supply of batteries.

Homeless Barbie comes with a Piggly Wiggly shopping cart, ill-fitting clothing collection, pint-sized alcohol, and monthly boyfriend with a camper on his truck.

 

Jehovah’s Witness–life like “door knock” action, black ankle length skirt and a year’s supply of Watchtower (three issues).

 

Cyberspace Barbie–is really a 45 year old man.

 Underage Cyberspace Barbie, can be changed: federal agent or reporter for FOX news… no longer converts into Cyberspace Barbie.

Underage Cyberspace Ken: not longer available in Idaho or Florida (see, previous GOP Kens).

Terry Schivo Barbie, appears to respond to stimulii but is actually brain dead. Comes with 7 Republic lawyers and 12 Evangelical picketers.

Beverly Hills Barbie comes witha 48 DDD bra and a back brace, scale 4 carat diamond ring and CEO Ken 25 years her senior.

 

Courtney Love  Barbie, no matter how you try to stop her she ends up killing Rock Star Ken.

 

Whitney Houston Barbie: she’s free but the ex-husband costs $50 for legal fees.

Psycho Barbie, if Ken doesn’t call her every 20 minutes she accuses him of having an affair with Underage Skipper. 

Morman Barbie, printed on the hyman: “Exciting to fondle, when your hands roam, but if you break it, you take her home. Burma Shave.”

Herpes  Barbie: pull a string and she swears she it didn’t come from her.Masectomy Barbies… well you know. Anna Nicole Smith Barbie: does nothing because she’s dead.Britanny Spears Barbie: becomes pregnant whenever she comes in contact with any of Ken series. Also available with, therapist, entourage, Mercedes 700 series sedan, hair weaves, and tire iron. Britanny Spears Barbie panties no longer in stock.

Crackling Wire Estates Mobile Home Park

December 2, 2006

Visit Crackling Wire Estates Mobile Home Park a subsidiary of Rio Los Banos Country Club featuring our 3 championship golf courses: Gater’s Lair, Copperhead Marsh and Stinking Dunes. And for the minature golfer try Mosquito Bend. Not a duffer? You can go horse back riding at the Thrush Hook Riding Academy, have a day of crappie fishing on Sulfer Springs Lake or explore the geologic wonder of Los Banos Tar Pits. Hungry, try our world class cuisine at the Brass Spitoon or for the casual and family dining stop in the Slaughterhouse and be sure to sample our world’s famous Pig Sty Pie. Adults can enjoy a cocktail at the Black Eye Lounge. Crackling Wire Estates is conveniently located a mere seven miles from the Shifting Sands Power Plant; providing residents with clean, safe, dependable nuclear power, and it’s a short drive to Stunted Pines Naval Gunnery Range.We’re easy to find. Exit the highway after you pass the high voltage towers, take a left on Strom Thurman Boulevard and go right on Cleft Palate Road. Make a reservation for a free guided tour within the next 24 days and you’ll receive five free tickets to Branson, Missouri’s newest celebrity-themed fun park, Frawley-wood. That’s right Frawley-wood. The world’s first tribute theme park to William Frawley that lovable Fred Mertz of I love Lucy and that lovable Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons. Crackling Wires Estates Mobile Home Park; we’re the direction the deep south is headed.