Archive for February, 2008

More stupid stuff

February 26, 2008

I got a ticket the other day. I went to court and got it reduced. I pled guilty to ‘aggravated failure to yield.’

 

I wanted to do an Ice-capades version of the play that was featured in “The Producers.” Remember the play they did was titled “Springtime For Hitler.” It was a great concept but I couldn’t find 6,000,000 Jews that could ice skate.

 

NASCAR has a new sponsored car from AARP. Terrific, huh? Everybody gets to watch a car drive 400 miles with its left turn signal on.

 

… the boxer eyed his target: the canvas.

 

Brittany Spears–back in papers… I saw one tabloid, the headline read “I Don’t Want My Children Back!” What makes her think they would give her children back? Jesus, they’d stand a better chance if they were released into the wild and raised by wolves. Maybe Yellowstone NP has a suitable place for them…

 

Why does AMC (American Movie Channel) suggest other movie to watch… i.e. If you’re enjoying “When Harry Met Sally” you’ll love “Taxi Driver.”

 

… she had 400 pubic inches of sexual displacement.

 

Was Superman faster than a speeding bullet in bed?

…a test… Only a test

February 10, 2008

It’s own me… heh heh

Signs of attitude versus someone truly disturbed

February 8, 2008

If you spot some tense looking guy, pacing, and chomping on a big cigar – could be just attitude, but if the burning end of the cigar is inside his mouth this is someone to be avoided.

 

A guy who is hoping to impress upon people in a bar that he is not to be trifled with: instead of using the door might walk through the plate glass window next to the door [crash-tinkle]. Maybe he’s the real thing. But when he’s leaving if he walks through the plate glass window on the other side of the door, he’s making a statement.

 

Some goth looking chick in the mall, with the black clothes and the eye liner that looks like it was put on with a magic marker, with a boa constrictor hanging around her neck… who can tell? That same chick strolling through the mall with half a boa constrictor hanging around her neck, is serious.

 

A prisoner sentenced to death, sitting in the electric chair, says he does not want a hood… tough guy. But if that same guy asks the executioner to stick a light bulb in his mouth…

 

If someone gets a gun shoved into his face and he snatches it away from the other guy… that shows some internal strength, but then if that guy shoves the first guy’s gun inside the barrel of his gun, this is serious player.

 

You’re eating in a restaurant with someone and they find a finger in their omelet: if they just push it off to the side with their fork and keep eating, they’re pretty much inured to life’s surprises. But if they ask you if you’re gonna finish your omelet, that person is unflappable.

 

A burly leather-covered guy muscling his way down a sidewalk, with big chains in his picnic-ham sized mitts that lead to three snarling Rottwielers… might be over compensating. But if you spot a burly leather-covered guy muscling his way down a sidewalk, with big chains in his picnic-ham sized mitts that lead to three empty collars… get out of his way.

 

A monstrous dude dancing in a seedy bar and there wearing a slinky green-sequined low cut dress is some sharp looking little vixen, just mind your own business and everything will be cool. But: if wearing the green-sequined low cut dress is… a guy… sporting a full beard… it’s probably time to chug that last beer and head home.

 

A XXXL sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off and the neck stretched out, says one thing. But that same sweatshirt with  “ask ME what I think about Tourette’s Syndrome” emblazoned across it sends a much stronger message.

 

Some frat boy bites into an unopened can of beer and tips his back to drain the fluids into his mouth is one thing, but the one who spits out the beer and eats the can is far more disturbing.