This year’s Barbies

White trash Barbie comes with a carton of Marlboro 100’s, bucket of KFC, her own WalMart, 1976 Nisson 4×4, one case of Bud light, bull’s eye diaphram, and four ADHD redheaded children. 

Elvis Bride Barbie, 12 years old but lives in Ken’s house until she is legal in Tennessee (14 years old)

 

Souxie and the Barbies-punk rock band

Trailer Park-NASCAR-Welfare Mother Barbie comes with five kids by seven different fathers, a lovely fifth-wheel home, probation officer, 1970 primer gray Plymouth Roadrunner. And now available with a restraining order for Trailer Park Ken, and a basket to leave an underage Skipper’s baby on Ken’s doorstep.  

Anorexic Barbie–comes with one mirror that makes everyone look fat

Army Brat Barbie, she sleeps with any Ken she meets but will marry only the “bad” Kens.  

Transvestite Barbie is really a man but has started the hormones so he/she has breasts at least.

Butch Barbie comes with size 40 x 23 Levis and a wallet on attached chain.Katrina Victim Barbie with her own Superdome. Gets raped but Ken swears it wasn’t him

Third World Barbie–has no accessories  

Jerry Springer Barbie. Everything she says is a lie and she’s not even a woman.

Muslim Barbie – An empty box, inside is the Quran’s quotation about graven images

Electra Syndrome Barbie. Just pull her string and she whines “I need a good a spanking.” or “I bounced another check, Daddy.” or “I just can’t help it.”  

Spinster Barbie comes with 24 cats, extensive garden, and numerous straw hats.

Obsessive Compulsive Barbie has a $250 credit limit Visa card, a silver vibrator, and a scale year’s supply of batteries.

Homeless Barbie comes with a Piggly Wiggly shopping cart, ill-fitting clothing collection, pint-sized alcohol, and monthly boyfriend with a camper on his truck.

 

Jehovah’s Witness–life like “door knock” action, black ankle length skirt and a year’s supply of Watchtower (three issues).

 

Cyberspace Barbie–is really a 45 year old man.

 Underage Cyberspace Barbie, can be changed: federal agent or reporter for FOX news… no longer converts into Cyberspace Barbie.

Underage Cyberspace Ken: not longer available in Idaho or Florida (see, previous GOP Kens).

Terry Schivo Barbie, appears to respond to stimulii but is actually brain dead. Comes with 7 Republic lawyers and 12 Evangelical picketers.

Beverly Hills Barbie comes witha 48 DDD bra and a back brace, scale 4 carat diamond ring and CEO Ken 25 years her senior.

 

Courtney Love  Barbie, no matter how you try to stop her she ends up killing Rock Star Ken.

 

Whitney Houston Barbie: she’s free but the ex-husband costs $50 for legal fees.

Psycho Barbie, if Ken doesn’t call her every 20 minutes she accuses him of having an affair with Underage Skipper. 

Morman Barbie, printed on the hyman: “Exciting to fondle, when your hands roam, but if you break it, you take her home. Burma Shave.”

Herpes  Barbie: pull a string and she swears she it didn’t come from her.Masectomy Barbies… well you know. Anna Nicole Smith Barbie: does nothing because she’s dead.Britanny Spears Barbie: becomes pregnant whenever she comes in contact with any of Ken series. Also available with, therapist, entourage, Mercedes 700 series sedan, hair weaves, and tire iron. Britanny Spears Barbie panties no longer in stock.

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