Someone sent me a chain letter sort of thing. When I was done the answers surprised even me…
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Some guy from the Bible, Saint Mr. Know-it-all
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? When Bush took office
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I don’t even like my typing
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Endangered Species Loaf
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes, but he hates me from afar.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Sure, if I had more money than me
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? F*ck no!
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? They’re around here somewhere
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Over what?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL Quisp and Quake
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? What need have I for shoes! I wear hospital slippers after they took all my shoe laces away
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Willed, yes
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? The kind with lots of fat and sugar
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING PEOPLE NOTICE ABOUT YOU? The LoJack strapped on my ankle
15. RED OR PINK? Salmon or lace undies?
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My… um… indecision? I guess… um… wait…
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? With a gun?
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I don’t know. Can they send Euros, too?
19. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Transparent pants and a trenchcoat. Shoes? see above
20. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Crow
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The voices in my head
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Psycho-delic, bay-bee
23. What is your favourite smell? Saran wrap
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? (True story) Some friggin’ guy from India or Pakistan who wanted me to buy some shit, I told him that he already called me earlier in the day (he had not). Then I said: “What did I tell you then?” First he said “What did you say?” except it was more like ‘whuut deed yew sayah?’ I repeated: “What did I tell you when you called me the first time?” He stammered a bit and then replied, (I’m not making this up) “Oh most very sorry. I will correct our records. Have a good day.” And then he hung up. I LOVE to screw with telemarketers!
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I used to…when we were the only two people on the planet
26. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Gladiator NASCAR… light beer… ball
27. HAIR COLOUR? Transparent/shaved… well not ALL my hair but the hair people see um… mostly, um… no comment
28. EYE COLOUR? red… but black right in the center
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Can’t read this question
30. FAVOURITE FOOD? Generic or is it genetic?
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings that scare me movies.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The one playing inside my head… like the gangster in “Tampopo”
33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? White with a yellowing collar and stencilled across the front: University of Warrshington
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Tuesdays
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Spankings
36. FAVOURITE DESSERT? See above
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO? Please step out of the car, sir!
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO? Debbie?
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? “Hypnotism and the Control of Women” (obviously fiction)
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A stain
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Snow, thanks for the HDTV…
42. FAVOURITE SOUND? That buzzing sound… there, did you hear it?
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Neither are tasty, nor nutritious but I’ll take the one with the most sugar or the one that’s best with salsa and ‘Mescan’ beer
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Planet X
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I know some people on Planet X they gave me a ride once
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Right in this chair
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? That dead guy who wants to give me pertinent information about the stock market at not no cost and with no obligation
48. STRANGEST THING TO HAPPEN TO YOU? I was kidnapped by aliens, and I asked them if they were gonna do sexual experiments on me. They said nah. But I asked them again. And they no. I gave them hints on stuff they could do. They stopped and kicked me out of their space ship… made me walk home… the bastards. I’m still angry I guess.
Am I the only one who thinks like this? Let me know… and don’t press the aliens about sexual stuff… unless they bring it up first
